Visual disconnection can be described as the experience of becoming disconnected from one's sense of sight in a level of intensity that is proportional to the dosage of depression or anxiety experienced. At lower to moderate depressions, this is only partial in its effects and creates a number of changes in my perception of sight which generally includes:
- Feeling as if one is watching the world through a screen (common!)
- Blurred vision and a general difficulty in perceiving fine details
- Feeling as if the visually perceivable world is further away in distance
- Feeling as if one is looking at the world through somebody else's eyes
- Double vision which at higher levels forces me to close one eye if I need to read or perceive visual details
When exceptionally depressed, the disconnection from visual input makes the transition from partial to entirely all-encompassing in its effects. This results in a complete perceptual disconnection from the sense of sight. It can be described as the experience of being completely blinded and unable to tell whether the eyes are open or closed due to a total lack of sensory input. This leads me into the experience of finding myself within a dark and infinitely sized hole, space or void.
Spaces and voids
Spaces and voids is a sub-component of visual disconnection which I experiences during all-encompassing states of dissociation. This experience is more commonly known as the "VOID" and is generally experienced as something which is specifically associated with conversation with other people despite being present within all traditional dissociative experiences.
It can be described as the place I find myself once visual disconnection becomes powerful enough to leave me incapable of receiving external sensory input. This replaces my visual awareness with a consistent and defined space which feels as if it is outside of normal reality.
The visual appearance of this space, hole or void, I would describe as a vast, empty and darkened chamber which often feels and appears to be infinite in size. This space is usually obsidian black in its colour, but occasionally displays itself with large patches of slow moving amorphous color clouds which remain strewn out across its horizon. Sometimes there are the faces of people (scientists, aliens, alien scientists, friends, animae).
Alongside this visual experience, I undergo changes in gravity and a powerful sense of tactile disconnection which can result in my feeling as if I am undergoing an out-of-body experience weightlessly floating over great distances in a variety of different speeds, directions and orientations.
Structures can be described as the only feature found within what would otherwise be completely empty and uninhabited spaces and holes. These manifest as the visual experience of monolithic 3-dimensional shapes or structures of an infinite variety and size which float above, below or in front of a person as they gradually zoom, rotate, transform or pan into focus and become unveiled before the person's eyes at a gradual pace.
These structures can take any shape possible, but are commonly experienced as vast and giant pillars, columns, blocks, tear drops, wheels, pyramids, caverns and a variety of abstract shapes. They are often fractal in nature and capable of being manifested in any variety of colors, but usually follow darker themes and tones with an associated vibe that is often described and interpreted as "alien" in nature.
In terms of the materials that they appear to be comprised of and the complexity of detail in which they are perceived in, the structures can be broken into 4 basic levels. These are described and listed below.
- 2-Dimensional Structures - The most basic level of structural complexity confines its form to strictly 2-Dimensional shapes. These shapes are usually very flat and dark in their color and are often “felt” instead of seen. In terms of their size, these structures take up the entirety of a person's visual field, but do not appear to have any particular sense of size attributed to them.
- Partially defined 3-Dimensional Structures - At this level, the structures become better defined and 3-Dimensional in shape with basic detail in their lighting and shadow. They appear to be comprised of semi-transparent condensed color or solidified shimmering geometry and are seen as ill-defined or out of focus around their edges. In terms of size, these structures appear to be extremely large, stretching out across hundreds of meters.
- Fully defined 3-Dimensional Structures - Once hallucinatory structures reach their third level of complexity, they become fully defined in their shape, edges, lighting, shadow and detail. They often appear to be made of solid and dense realistic materials such as stone and metal. In terms of size, they are capable of appearing as thousands of miles across themselves and are extremely complex in form.
- Structural universes - As dosage increases, the detail continues to complexify proportionally until the highest level of structure is reached. This can be described as the sensation of seeing that which is perceived as the entire universe condensed into an infinitely vast and intricate self-transforming machine structure. In terms of its appearance, this state is extremely hard to describe. The structure can take any form, but usually appear as consistently shaped machine-like structures or clouds that convey huge amounts of innately readable information. The structures are infinite in size and physically felt at every point of detail across themselves. This is innately interpreted as a mechanical representation of “the universe” or “everything” by those who undergo this experience.
Structures typically last anywhere from 30 seconds to several minutes before the person experiencing them slips back into reality or into the presence of another structure. In terms of how these structures shift between each other, there are three different methods through which these hallucinatory structures are transformed between.
- Structural transformations - Structures can switch between each other by transforming in a static and comprehensible way. This is something that usually unfolds in a rather slow step by step morphing process.
- Structural panning - Structures can switch between each other by remaining completely static in their shape but simply panning out of view until they are no longer within one's field of vision. It’s from here that another structure usually comes into view from outside of one's peripheral vision within a few seconds to a couple of minutes.
- Travelling over great distances - The third method of transitioning is experienced when the structures appear to be stationary whilst one is floating silently between them over what feels like extreme physical distances. This is often felt to occur on an invisible rail through the vast and infinite dissociative hole and is a feeling that is interpreted by many people as floating through space or the night sky.