Difference between revisions of "Karl Marx"
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| − | Marx was | + | Karl Marx was somebody who talked often about The Working Class, but ironically never worked a day in his fucking puff. Not only did he leech off his family, but he also leeched off his wife, he leeched off Engels, then banged his maid (whom he incidentally never paid) before ejecting her from his home, while denying that he even had a son with her. |
| − | Marx’s dad refused to pay for a literature and philosophy degree | + | Born into a wealthy and Jewish family, Marx inevitably became an angsty student who became so overwhelmingly angry at his parents, as well as the rest of the upper class, that he rebelled against them by trolling the shit out of European intellectuals as revenge. |
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| + | Marx’s dad was also a prick, but he could at least recognise a loser when he saw one, and refused to pay for a literature and philosophy degree for young Karl, obliging him to major in law. Instead of learning law, however, Karl Marx decided to troll the local philosophy club called the Young Hegelians in what is known as the greatest troll ever. | ||
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| + | In fact Karl joined the group, learned what they believed, and then founded an entire philosophy on the fact that they were wrong. Every book Karl wrote in his lifetime pointed out that these guys were losers, and that his philosophy pwned theirs. | ||
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| + | == Truth or Socialism? == | ||
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| + | The fuckwit Marx is known now to have abandoned his pregnant mistress and illegitmate son on the streets of London (they both met horrible deaths as a result) for the reason that he did not wish to be seen to lose his moral prestige with his fuckwit socialist pals. | ||
One day when he was suffering from a bit of Troll's Remorse he decided to give the Hegelians a break, and instead trolled his mentor Bruno Bauer instead. Bruno was a mentor and close friend of Marx who even left Germany with Marx when Marx was thrown out for being a general pain in the ass. This trust that Bruno had only made the Lulz even better, Marx used all the knowladge he gained from Bruno to destroy Bruno's work "The Jewish Problem" in an intellectual ass whooping. The ass whooping was so successful that the only people who have even bothered to read and translate Bauer's work were the jews (no serisly, they are the only one’s who translated it, and only once in 1950 for a Jewish Masters thesis), while Karls response is still trolling the shit out of his old mentor in every language. | One day when he was suffering from a bit of Troll's Remorse he decided to give the Hegelians a break, and instead trolled his mentor Bruno Bauer instead. Bruno was a mentor and close friend of Marx who even left Germany with Marx when Marx was thrown out for being a general pain in the ass. This trust that Bruno had only made the Lulz even better, Marx used all the knowladge he gained from Bruno to destroy Bruno's work "The Jewish Problem" in an intellectual ass whooping. The ass whooping was so successful that the only people who have even bothered to read and translate Bauer's work were the jews (no serisly, they are the only one’s who translated it, and only once in 1950 for a Jewish Masters thesis), while Karls response is still trolling the shit out of his old mentor in every language. | ||
Revision as of 11:13, 3 August 2016
Karl Marx was somebody who talked often about The Working Class, but ironically never worked a day in his fucking puff. Not only did he leech off his family, but he also leeched off his wife, he leeched off Engels, then banged his maid (whom he incidentally never paid) before ejecting her from his home, while denying that he even had a son with her.
Born into a wealthy and Jewish family, Marx inevitably became an angsty student who became so overwhelmingly angry at his parents, as well as the rest of the upper class, that he rebelled against them by trolling the shit out of European intellectuals as revenge.
Marx’s dad was also a prick, but he could at least recognise a loser when he saw one, and refused to pay for a literature and philosophy degree for young Karl, obliging him to major in law. Instead of learning law, however, Karl Marx decided to troll the local philosophy club called the Young Hegelians in what is known as the greatest troll ever.
In fact Karl joined the group, learned what they believed, and then founded an entire philosophy on the fact that they were wrong. Every book Karl wrote in his lifetime pointed out that these guys were losers, and that his philosophy pwned theirs.
Truth or Socialism?
The fuckwit Marx is known now to have abandoned his pregnant mistress and illegitmate son on the streets of London (they both met horrible deaths as a result) for the reason that he did not wish to be seen to lose his moral prestige with his fuckwit socialist pals.
One day when he was suffering from a bit of Troll's Remorse he decided to give the Hegelians a break, and instead trolled his mentor Bruno Bauer instead. Bruno was a mentor and close friend of Marx who even left Germany with Marx when Marx was thrown out for being a general pain in the ass. This trust that Bruno had only made the Lulz even better, Marx used all the knowladge he gained from Bruno to destroy Bruno's work "The Jewish Problem" in an intellectual ass whooping. The ass whooping was so successful that the only people who have even bothered to read and translate Bauer's work were the jews (no serisly, they are the only one’s who translated it, and only once in 1950 for a Jewish Masters thesis), while Karls response is still trolling the shit out of his old mentor in every language.
After thirty years of trolling the Hegelian's every chance he got, Marx's epic troll plan came to completion. He wrote his Magus Opus "Das Kapital" which all of his followers anxiously awaited. In an amazing troll turnaround Marx stated in the preface said that while it was fine that he trolled the Hegelian's, everyone who was doing it now were "ill-humored, arrogant and ugly epigones" and because they were so lame he was now a "Pupil of that mighty thinker." This caused much butthurt among those who were trying to be cool like Marx, and Marx succeeded in Trolling everyone at once. Communism Marx's thoughts on your mom.
“ All I know is that I am not a Marxist.
„
—Karl Marx, on the philosophy of Communism.
Instead of becoming a maniacal Jewish banker, he partnered with Friedrich Engels to invent Communism, evoking many lulz from his contemporaries. Marx and Engels theorized that human society was driven by a mechanism they designated class struggle, whereby the rich alienate the poor, and smoke lots of expensive cigars in their enormous, lavish mansions, LOL. Man, the high life sounds good!
Marx's communist writings were a precursor to Dungeons & Dragons. Unlike D&D, Marx only allowed for two classes, "proletariat" and "bourgeoisie", and players could not choose which class they started out as. Dungeons & Dragons dropped these two classes and replaced them with better, more interesting ones; however, much of the fantasy atmosphere was carried on from Marx's original writings.
Marx's philosophy was ridiculed to no end, so he ultimately moved from city to city throughout Europe, believing himself to be "misunderstood".
Many practitioners of soft sciences; mainly psychology and psycho-analysis have studied Marx's concept of 'alienation' in great depth which resulted in an overwhelming consensus that the concept is in fact a Freudian projection of Marx's own feelings concerning his identity and childhood within society onto the rest of the world, in short nobody liked the cunt.
Communism is heralded as teh best philosophy evar by leftards, and the terminally lazy. This may be because of Karl Marx's Beats By Dre headphones hairstyle and neckbearded appearance, and the general fact that even Marx himself had no idea what he was talking about beyond an opinion on how an economy should work. It should also be noted that feminists enjoy saying "Kill All Men", despite Marx being a man and practically starting feminism
